FIXME Please refactor this. It consists of an explanation, and a personal share. Factor out the personal share so it's an explanation and an exercise, and then start refining it.

Maybe I’m projecting, but it seems to me a nearly universal experience that there are things for which we kick ourselves from the past. Little moments where we stick our foot in our mouth, or do something that seems stupid later. I’ve had these memories last for years. The other person probably doesn’t even remember, but it seems like telling myself this doesn’t make any difference. I just keep kicking myself. Until now.

During a recent meditation, one of these moments popped into my mind. It involved a cousin who’s quite a bit younger than me. He was, I think, 12 or 13 at the time, and is now an adult, so it’s been a while. He said something I thought was stupid, so I gave him some serious stink-eye and said something even stupider. Ever since, every time I remember it, I get upset with myself. Why did I have to go say something so . . . brain dead?

I thought about the incident, and how much older he is now, and how much older I am now. He’s probably not the same person he was then, I thought; after all, I’m someone completely different. Then the whole thing unraveled. No, I was not high.

The person I was doesn’t exist anymore.

The person he was doesn’t exist anymore.

The car we were riding in doesn’t exist anymore.

That moment doesn’t exist anymore and never will again.

And then . . . freedom.

tactics/stop_kicking_yourself.txt · Last modified: 2013/09/16 23:21 by naptastic
 
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